


Losing My Balance

by Skylar102



Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec done goofed but he's trying his best, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Crying Alec Lightwood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Alec Lightwood, Emotionally Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, cuddles at the end, slight downworld discrimination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:14:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25129117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar102/pseuds/Skylar102
Summary: Magnus comes home to a quiet loft. He knows that Alec is here because his bow and quiver are on the rack by the door. There’s no lights coming from the living room and the french doors to the balcony are closed.“Alexander?” he calls out. There’s no response.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Tumblr Prompts [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1819585
Comments: 36
Kudos: 407
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Losing My Balance

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonlightBreeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/gifts).



> Prompt: First of all, congratulations on 400 followers!! That's awesome! You deserve it 💙💙💙 For your prompt opening: I have an angst prompt because, well, you know me. I was thinking that Alec has a hard day with the Downworld Cabinet and Magnus is torn between his fellow Downworlders (who are all telling him Alec is wrong; whether he actually is or not is up to you) and his loyalty to his boyfriend. Angst ensues. Perhaps a bit of crying, if you're feeling adventurous? Thanks! No rush to write it :)
> 
> Ask and ye shall receive 
> 
> Thank you for this angst ridden prompt Em!! 💜

Magnus comes home to a quiet loft. He knows that Alec is here because his bow and quiver are on the rack by the door. There’s no lights coming from the living room and the french doors to the balcony are closed. 

“Alexander?” he calls out. There’s no response.

Magnus thinks back to the cabinet meeting he just got back from. While the one that Alec has created is leaps and bounds ahead of anything any other Institute, or Lilith even the Clave, is doing, the Downworld Leaders of New York still wanted to have another with just them. 

Judging by how tonight’s meeting went, he can only imagine Alec’s meeting with them. Meliorn, Lorenzo, Maia, and Raphael all hounded him about Alec and his unwillingness to budge on certain topics discussed at the meeting. Of course, being Alec’s boyfriend meant that everyone flocked to him about complaining about the shadowhunter. 

Magnus regrets agreeing to accompany Lorenzo to the meeting, but when the High Warlock requests your presence at a cabinet meeting you don’t turn it down. Of course, if he had known it was going to be a shout fest about how his boyfriend is handling the recent downworld disappearances, he would have declined.

While Magnus knows that Alec is working nonstop to find the person causing the disappearances, he understands why the other’s are so upset. Magnus doesn’t believe that Alec insinuated that the person responsible was a downworlder over a shadowhunter. Magnus doesn’t want to accept that was the case, but being against four people in that situation doesn’t hold any power, especially when the said four are fueled with anger.

“Alexander,” he calls out again. 

The kitchen is empty, there are no plates in the sink which means Alec has not eaten yet, and knowing how stressful this week has been for Alec also means he probably missed lunch as well. He checks the bedroom and sees everything is where he last saw it when he left that evening. 

Magnus is starting to worry. He knows that he tuned the wards to allow Alec to know when he arrives at the loft. Mostly for selfish reasons. Magnus could never say no to welcome home kisses and hugs and Alec excelled at both of those. Coming home to a quiet loft, while is not out of the ordinary, but most of the lights are off save for a few lamps is new. 

Magnus starts to move at a faster pace. He checks every room in the loft and turns up empty. He’s about to grab one of Alec’s sweaters when he hears a noise on the roof. A loud thump. A cold dread fills his stomach. Magnus doesn’t stop to guess the sound as he rushes towards the spiral stairs that lead to the roof. He takes two steps at a time to get to the roof faster. A million scenarios filling his mind as he reaches the roof.

He halts before opening the door. If Alec is hurting himself he doesn’t want to bust through the door, scaring his boyfriend. He takes a deep breath to compose himself before he turns the knob. The sight that greets him has his stomach dropping. 

After Alec moved in, Magnus didn’t want the noise of workout equipment clunking through the loft, so he compromised with his boyfriend to put it on the roof and magic the patio to block out all types of weather. That way he could work in his apothecary in peace while Alec got in his daily workout. Magnus was more than happy to oblige if it meant that when he took breaks from potion making he got to ogle at his boyfriend.

Magnus wants to burn the equipment to ash at the very moment. 

There’s equipment scattered about the roof like it was thrown to the side. Heavy rope is frayed and torn, like someone overused them, and judging by the small red stains on the ends, someone did. Magnus takes his eyes away from the equipment and focuses on Alec.

His boyfriend is going at the free-standing punching bag like it murdered his family. Every jab and kick directed at the bag is loud and painful. Magnus winces at every hit. Alec hasn’t noticed him yet, too focused on destroying the bag in front of him. The blank look on his boyfriend’s face has his heart breaking. 

“Alexander,” Magnus whispers between hits. 

He watches Alec’s head tilt his way but his boyfriend doesn’t stop his attack on the bag. If anything he seems to go harder and faster. 

“If you’re here to yell at me too,” Alec pants. “Then just get it over with.”

“Yell at you- Alexander I don’t want to yell at you.” Magnus begins to slowly make his way to Alec, not wanting to upset him further. 

“You should.” Alec delivers a particularly hard punch to the bag. “Everyone else did, why not my warlock boyfriend as well? Seems only fair.”

Magnus knows that Alec is in a bad mindset right now, but he still flinches at the words.

“Alexander, you have to know that I would never do that,” Magnus reasons.

“You did once before with the Soul Sword. Why would this be any different.”

Magnus has heard enough. Right as Alec is about to land a right hook, Magnus magics the punching bag away with a swirl of blue sparks. Alec stumbles forward with his momentum but manages to balance himself. His boyfriend’s chest is heaving and he’s covered in sweat. He doesn’t turn to address Magnus, his gaze focused on Brooklyn’s rooftops. 

“Alexander please,” Magnus begs.

“What do you want me to say?” Alec demands turning towards Magnus. “That I fucked up? I know I did, I ruined the one good thing I had going for the downworld because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”

“I'm sure that is not true.”

“I threw out the idea that a downworlder could be responsible for the kidnappings of other downworlders because it hurt watching people I know and trust bash my people and say it was someone under my command,” Alec explains. “I should have kept my mouth shut but I want to explore all possibilities with the cabinet before we jump to conclusions.”

Alec scoffs and begins to pick up the weights on the ground. “Seems that a _shadowhunter_ insinuating the possibility that a downworlder was responsible for this was unimaginable. I was trying to cover all grounds with the investigation, I don’t even have suspects.”

“Alexander you have to understand how that sounds to them,” Magnus tries to justify. Alec stops his movements, his hold on the weight tightens. “For hundreds of years, we’ve had to endure-”

“You think I don’t know that!” Alec turns and shouts at him, making Magnus take a step back. Alec has never shouted at him before. “You think I don’t know how much my people have wronged downworlders? That I don’t think about it every single day what my people have done, what I’ve had to witness with my own eyes? I am well aware of the atrocities my people have committed.”

Alec’s chest is heaving and his hands are clenched tight around the weights still in his hands. It’s only now that Magnus realizes that it’s not sweat dripping from Alec’s hands. It’s _blood._

“Knowing all of that, knowing what my people have done doesn’t mean that I am not going to explore all avenues on this investigation. Maybe I could have worded it differently but I’m not about to just focus on a group of people without any evidence to back it up. That would make me just as bad as the people before me.”

“Alexander,” Magnus interrupts, he can’t take his eyes off Alec’s hands. “Perhaps we should head inside.”

“Why so you can continue to tell me how I fucked up in a place that I call home?” Alec laughs hollowly, he puts the last of the weights back on the rack. “I’d rather sleep at the Institute tonight.”

Alec walks past Magnus. He doesn’t hesitate to grab Alec’s bicep stopping his boyfriend. He knows that if he lets Alec walk through that door, their relationship will never recover from this. Magnus doesn’t want this strain to weigh on them both. 

“Alec please, don’t leave,” Magnus pleads, his grip on Alec’s arm tells him how much his boyfriend is trying to hold it together. Alec’s arm is shaking so much that Magnus is surprised he was able to clean up the weights with how bad he’s trembling. “Let’s just, go inside and talk about this.” Magnus reaches for the hand closest to him, magic already sparking at his fingertips. “And let me heal your-”

Flinching at the small touch on his hand, Alec rips his arm away before Magnus can heal it.

“Don’t,” Alec clips hoarsely. “Just don’t.”

Alec starts to move towards the door again, but Magnus is there again before his boyfriend can take another step. This time wrapping Alec in a hug from behind. He locks his hands to his wrists so that Alec can’t pull his arms apart. He feels the stuttering breathes that Alec is taking. Magnus rests his head at the base of Alec’s neck and closes his eyes. It hurts feeling how much Alec is shaking in his arms, how hard Alec is trying to keep it together. 

“Darling, please,” Magnus whispers into his boyfriend’s neck. The nickname has a quick sob escaping Alec’s lips. “I know that we are going to have different opinions on this and I know that you are trying your best. Maybe you could have worded things differently, maybe you worded them perfectly and the others were too high strung to listen to reasoning, but _please._ I don’t want to fight with you and have you leave.”

The shaking has increased and Magnus can feel drops of water hit his arms. Magnus releases the locked grip and moves in front of him. His own eyes start to water at the sight that greets him. 

Alec’s face is covered in tears streaks, his lower lip clenched between his teeth to stop sobs from breaking out. Magnus cups his boyfriend’s face and begins to wipe away the tears.

“Why is everything I do not good enough?” Alec quietly sobs out.

That’s all Magnus needs to hear. He pulls his boyfriend into his arms as the sobs get louder. Magnus tucks Alec’s head into his neck as he cries. A hand goes to the back of Alec’s head while the other rubs up and down his boyfriend's back. Magnus feels his shirt tighten as Alec grips it. Magnus quietly rocks them gently back and forth.

“I got you, darling,” Magnus whispers into Alec’s ear.

Magnus’ focus is all on Alec, he doesn’t know how much time has passed as they stand there. He doesn’t stop the embrace, doesn’t pull back. He waits until Alec is the one to let go. Even when Alec does eventually loosen his grip on his shirt, Magnus doesn’t want to let go. 

His hands immediately go to Alec’s face again to wipe away the remaining tears on his boyfriend’s face. Alec, clearly exhausted from working out and crying leans into the touch closing his eyes. Alec’s breath still shudders even as the worst of his emotions have passed.

“Alexander,” Magnus sighs. “Can I please heal your hands?”

Alec doesn’t open his eyes when he nods. Magnus releases his head and moves his hands to Alec’s. Gentle blue sparks caress Alec’s hands as Magnus sets about healing them. He watches his magic stitch Alec’s hands back together and clean off any blood. As the last drop disappears, Magnus raises Alec’s hands pressing a kiss to each knuckle. 

“Let’s head inside, take a shower and go to bed, hm?” Magnus suggests as Alec stands there with his eyes still closed. Alec shakes his head.

“No, I- I should call the members of the cabinet and apologize,” Alec says.

“That can wait until tomorrow,” Magnus reasons, already pulling Alec towards the door. “I think a night’s rest will do everyone some good. Continuing the conversation when emotions are still high is not going to help anyone.”

“Magnus I can’t just leave it like that, I should-.” Magnus presses a finger to his lips.

“None of that,” Magnus stops. “We are going to go inside, you are going to hop in the shower while I cook up something for you and you _will_ eat it, and then we are going to fall onto the bed with my best linens and I am going to cuddle you until you fall asleep.”

Alec lets out a huff as a small smile appears on his face. Magnus doesn’t remove his finger until Alec nods his head. 

“Excellent.” Magnus grips Alec’s arm and pulls him inside. 

When they get to the main floor, Magnus shoves Alec towards the show with a stern look, getting a small chuckle out of Alec. Magnus heads to the kitchen and starts preparing a small meal. He doubts that Alec will want anything hearty so he settles for making soup. By the time he pours two bowls, Alec is walking out of their room in sweats and a t-shirt with damp hair. 

They eat in silence. Magnus can tell that his boyfriend is not in the mood to talk by his drooping eyes. A yawn breaks past Alec’s lips as he finishes the bowl. Magnus magics the empty bowls to the sink and drags Alec towards their bed. It’s telling how tired his boyfriend is when Magnus just has to give him a light push to get into bed. 

Magnus crawls into bed on his side and drags Alec to him. Alec rests his head on Magnus’ chest and melts. Magnus hums a soft song as he feels the tension leave Alec’s body and soon enough small snores fill the room. Magnus kisses the top of his head and reaches to turn off the bedside lamp.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts are still open on my [Tumblr](https://skylar102.tumblr.com/)!
> 
> Come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Skylar10211)
> 
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